There’s just something about a well-executed found footage concept that can’t be replicated by traditional media. Over the past couple months, it has evolved into a minor obsession of mine and I am a huge advocate of found footage horror nights with the pals (go ahead, you know you want to).

This is my love letter to the genre:

The Blair Witch Project (b-tier):

“[…] a pretty relatable backpacking experience in the Northeast […]”

-colywoly, later in this post

A quick google will inform you that this was, in fact, not the first found footage film; however, its significance in popularizing the genre cannot be understated. The film follows a motley crew of 3 documentarians, setting off to uncover the secret behind an urban legend. After interviewing some eerie rural townsfolk, the trio wander into the woods… never to return again (and thus allowing their footage to be…… “found”…. *gasp*)

Map hysteria, rogue tent-farting, and depleting resources risk to tear the three apart as they appear to not truly be alone in these woods. Ultimately, the crew must find a way to work together while constantly at one another’s throats – in what can only be described as a pretty relatable backpacking experience in the Northeast (thanks, Imran).

Frankly, this movie is a bit anticlimactic. We, as newfound-footage horror fanatics, were robbed of the true weight of this film and its absurd marketing campaign (check it out). I imagine experiencing this raw was truly horrific. Alas, the new age of found footage has spoiled me. Where I can give kudos are on the incredibly authentic feel of these tapes, it truly feels like you are watching a series of home videos and the tension between the actors is palpable… almost as if they truly hated each other. But I must pay my respects to the OGs and the wonderful world they unlocked. Thank you. *salute*

Hell house LLC (S-tier):

“welcome to Lucifer’s cabin”

that one guy from Queens

Now, for my true inspiration.

Hell House LLC is a masterpiece, and let me tell you why:

the setting… immaculate

the pacing… brooding

the scares… flawless

the twist… mind-boggling

the acting… pretty good

Honestly, this is a perfect movie for me. I cannot stop watching it and I will force it on anyone who dare hand me the remote on movie night. The story flows as a mix of documentary and found footage, where an investigative team attempts to uncover what really happened at a haunted house’s botched opening night in Upstate, NY.

The documentary is blessed by a donation from an uncanny source when Sarah, one of the original Hell House LLC cast who has since been missing, arrives with a bundle of lost tapes recorded by the crew themselves. These tapes promise to reveal “the truth” about Hell House and the movie goes from there.

There are so many layers to this film that build the foundation for an incredible franchise (as a concept. Yes, I know 2 and 3 sucked.) Any seasoned horror veteran is likely jaded with the predictable jump scares that plague the category, yet Hell House LLC manages to exceed its many found footage predecessors in building an atmosphere that crawls deep under your skin. The scares are masterfully executed and the cast plays off each other so well. It also delivers one of the most undeservedly funny lines of any movie, horror or not (shout out to Lucifer from Queens).

Unfortunately, Cognetti seemed to have lost his footing in the first two sequels of the franchise. I enjoyed 2 & 3 for what they were, but ultimately they just felt like reskinnings of the first movie, only with less convincing performances and more predictable scares.

Although the 4th installment, Hell House LLC Origins: The Carmichael Manor, reinvigorates the franchise and rivals the first in its perfection. The Carmichael Manor adds a refreshing new depth to the original premise and expands the lore in a really satisfying way. Not to mention the shift in setting (both in location and found footage premise) allows the movie to stand on its own if you wanted to skip straight to it for some reason.

We won’t discuss the final installment in the series…

Grave Encounters 1 & 2 (B&a-tier):

But, actually, the first movie is such a fun spoof of the paranormal investigator TV shows that you may recall from your childhood. The concept is great and I honestly found myself rooting for the demise of many of the characters: shout out to Houston, you gross piece of shit. However, it takes a bit too long to get to the action and the scares themselves leave a bit to be desired. This movie could have easily been 30 minutes shorter.

However, unlike the immediate sequels to Hell House LLC, Grave Encounters 2 is a lot more action-packed and engaging. If you’re having yourself a lil’ horror movie double feature then this is a great 1-2 punch – alcohol encouraged!

Gonjiam: Haunted ASylum (S-tier):

“plsfplfpejsplplfsplfplfspfsplfeplfs “

or some similar shit

Now, I know what you’re thinking… “but colywoly, this isn’t found footage horror it’s viral influencer horror!!!!”

and to that, I say:

“shut up, nerd.”

This movie has one of the most inexplicably odd and utterly unnecessary “relationship-building” montages to kick off a movie ever… and I kind of loved it.

When the main event finally kicks-off, you experience the greed and desperation of some live streaming paranormal “experts” as they push each other further and further down the path of no return. Atmospherically, very similar to Grave Encounters, but the scares in this one hit much heavier.

This movie is incredibly creative and features some unique scares that will have you crying tears of joy while your nanny swaps out your adult diapers. Also, my friends and I spent a ridiculous amount of time mimicking that possession… uh… “noise” that spoilers makes. A fun bonus activity!

V/H/S (F-tier):

fuck this stupid fucking movie. trash. TRASH!!!!

ok, now that’s out of my system….

V/H/S Halloween and 94 (A-tier):

I was assured that I needed to give some other installments in the V/H/S franchise a try after the first one made me viscerally angry. And thank god, cause these movies fuckin’ rule. I have it in my queue to watch the remaining ones, but they all follow a similar concept: collages of short horror films made by various directors with a certain theme in mind.

Halloween, the most recent installment, features 5 shorts that all riff on Halloween night in various ways. From the consequences of greed to a desperate father trying to repair his relationship with his estranged son, each short film stands well on its own in concept while staying on theme. It also introduces “new horror icon” (gag me), Fun-Size and while it does feel a little forced, I can’t deny that Fun-Size’s silly antics put a smile on my face. This is a great watch if you’re looking for something this spooky season, granted you’re ok with some (ok, a lot of) pretty bizarre nudity.

As for the older installment – V/H/S/94 is a bit hit or miss on its shorts, but man… when it hits… it HITS. Particularly the 1st and 3rd short films. “Storm Drain” and “The Subject” excel in incredibly different ways that warrant a watch from any self-respecting horror fan.

I don’t want to spoil anything, but I have a feeling that no matter which short you prefer, you’ll be hailing Raatma from now on.